They might argue that that is not important - adults are overreacting. They also understand the weight of discontinuing school, social activities and travel. All of our kids have enough access to media to know that this is overwhelming. This moment requires that we all be able to take a deep breath, step back to allow space for reflection and allow our children’s own response to this traumatic event. But our teens and college students might actually benefit from living in opposition to our values and expectations. This can be hard for parents. Adults tend to do best with normal sleep and wake cycles. “The world is too weird now, so I’m going to determine my own environment," they might be thinking. Knowing what comes next is calming.Īllowing older kids to define this moment might be helpful. Younger children benefit from structure: Bedtime, wake-up time, meal times, exercise, school work and pleasure should be scheduled. Understand where your child is in terms of anxiety about the virus. Guilt and shame might be mental health issues for kids in this cultural moment. If my mother’s mother dies in elderly housing, they may wonder, do I have to feel guilty about not wanting to have had a relationship with someone old? Our kids are trying to work out their historical relationships with their parents, grandparents and extended family. Even kids who have not been particularly interested in their grandparents may feel a sense of loss. If they feel disconnected from their family, they may feel terribly isolated.Ī further concern for teens is their elders. If these kids have strong family support, they may be able to navigate their personal and relational roles. But when social sites go down due to heavy demand, as Instagram and Snapchat did recently, kids feel lost, disconnected and left out. FaceTime and text are helping these kids to feel connected. Popularity is harder to gauge in isolation - perhaps people are getting together on Zoom talks or in Netflix parties. Social isolation now allows them to feel they have company.ĭolescents and adults who felt 'outside' the rest of society are thriving.īut very social kids are suffering, wondering if they're being left out. Before the pandemic, they felt the weight of loneliness and chose to embrace it. Finally, the world is experiencing life as they do - isolated, lonely, sad. What I have noticed in my therapy practice is that adolescents and adults who felt “outside” the rest of society are thriving. What will this world value after COVID 19? They may wonder, How can I ensure my own well-being, the well-being of my eventual family, and others who are less privileged than me? What do I value and what does that mean about me? After this, will there be a market for medical spas? Health clubs? Bars? Artists or actors? Being a computer geek - programmer, engineer, mobile application developer - may have more or less meaning right now. Medical students and nursing students, along with the many “para” professionals, are recognizing their worth. If they imagine themselves as academics, they wonder if they would be able to do research during this pandemic. If they imagine themselves as artists, they see galleries closed. They are emerging adults, building their sense of who they are, independent of their families, while figuring out what is important to them. Our college students face a different struggle. Many of our children are frightened but are acting fine. No routine school, no regular friend connection, mom and dad (who might be fighting due to the relentlessness of their connection) are less available even if they're always home. Many of our children are frightened but acting fine. However, if you pay attention you might notice that their play focuses on themes of parental safety, hiding (hide and seek), and magical thinking about saving elderly relatives in nursing homes or even, beloved teachers. They are generally doing what's expected of them: attending Zoom classrooms, finishing homework and, in some cases, exercising. Our younger children, those in elementary and middle school, also appear to be rising to the challenges of this historical and stressful time. But if their lives have been organized around these major events, they might suffer. If they can see this moment as historical, even meaningful, they will thrive. The virtual substitutes, no matter how well-meaning, aren't the same. Teens have been robbed of normative landmarks. Video games are familiar and can accommodate their new normal.įorget major milestones like proms, graduation, parties. The sun and flowers remind them of friends and sports practices but their survival depends on a redefinition of reality. But now they've shifted to nocturnal hours. They might not look like they're suffering. Our teen daughters and sons are online playing video games with their friends, something they did before the pandemic.
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